A Brush with The Law

by BP Tue Jul 26, 2005 14:35

I’m sure many readers have been similarly molested by a nosey 'Vanguard' sticking his snout where it don’t belong while you’re simply trying to get from A to B.

What they rely on in large part for this little sport is intimidation, psychotricks and the ordinary person’s complete ignorance on the law (which is not accidental). These home-grown tips will help you 'level-the-playing-field' next time:

1. If you see a cop about to stop you in your car, first get all the doors locked.

2. If cop taps on the window, just lower it about 3mm, forcing him to speak through the slit and really listen very carefully if you say something.

3. But never say nothing, just move your lips a bit.

4. If the wooden-neck knows for sure he is not deaf, this will piss him right off.

5. Use a Dictaphone up to the slit to record his amusing reaction.

6. If he asks you anything, just reply “ID first, questions later”

7. Make him pass the warrant card in through the slit.

8. Chew on the photo to check it’s not forged, then pass it through the ‘scanner’, i.e. the cheeks of your arse, before handing it back with the caution “Mind that!”

9. If he asks your name, find out “Who wants to know, are you going to squeal on me to the CIA?” He will reflexively lie – “No!” but you will have to pull him up on this, very badly. Cops are congenital liars, he needs to hear that.

10. Cop may ask to look in your boot – take off a shoe and hold it up to the slit.

11. While he is checking that you may want to call your solicitor and tell him to start moving his arse towards the cop-shop.

12. Where you’re going to is always “up the road”, coming from “down the road”.

13. What you were/are going to do – “Mind my own business!”

14. Who you know - “Not even my own mother, mate!”

15. Will you step out of the car please sir? – “Will you suck my toes first?”

16. The only thing you are obliged to do under law is name any cop-shop where you’ll show licence, insurance etc within 10 days. Tell him Ballycastle, Co. Cork - no Garda will know the difference until you’re long gone.

17. Bid a long farewell to this idiot.

This system works for me, with the usual result that I am either arrested and/or my car smashed + sabotaged by An Garda Shítonyá. However, this is no problemo, as they have nothing on you unless they want to pull another ‘McBrearty Special’. Just remember to swap the Dictaphone tape for a blank one (hiding the good one) before they get their paws on you, otherwise the b*****ds will erase the tape ASAP. Happy days in court kicking their asses.

If you want an example of how that’s done, see this story from Thursday past at Ennis court, cops getting their lying asses soundly whipped in the case of Conor Cregan, arrested for ‘Breach of the Peace’ while holding a Dictaphone:
http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=71092&condense_comments=false

Shalom, BP

by Geoff Dolan Tue Jul 26, 2005 15:10

Have your car adonrned with religious slogans, like 'What would Jesus do?' etc.Imagine you are a Christian.Give him that look of eternal love and compassion.Mention Jesus every where possible. After two minutes he will see you are sane but daft and he'll leave you alone.Give him a Bible before leaving, and start sayinmg a prayer out loud that Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ will protect and watch over him.

Always works for me, just sound more Born Again as oppossed to Catholic.These days Catholics are associated with either Paedophiles or Leftists.Cops are right wing so if you come across born again, they'll assume your daft but a supporter of George Dubya, and will let you on your way.

by DJ fan Tue Jul 26, 2005 15:53

I didnt realise BP Fallon was hanging out on this site!!

question for you

Im cycling up grafton st behind a cop who is himself cycling up grafton st

cop turns around to me and says you cant cycle here get off your bike and he cycles on

legally what can be done here beside pointing out the hypocracy?

by Geoff Dolan Tue Jul 26, 2005 16:25

Cops are allowed speed if within their duty-hot pursuit, etc.

Same with cycling.

So don't be getting into stupid argument like cycling your nike.You could bash into a buggy. You can't cycle on any pedestrian street anywhere, not even in Holland.Hell, on the spot fine there.At least here, the cop will just be rude to you.In Holland, they go out in pairs and hand on the spot fines to grannys, mums, mess actors like me if we are on the bike on the pedestrian street. The end.

by Sean Crudden Thu Jul 28, 2005 21:00

The editor lost some of the quality of this picture in the original article when he transposed it onto the main "feature" section.

Navan Sinn Feiner at the protest.

by LOL iosaf Fri Jul 29, 2005 00:56

one night long ago, with an english eco-warrior type who insisted I kept a copy (very well read) of "Catalyst" a sort of journal of opinions and stuff that passed for general activist pamphlet back in pre-indymedia (per-internet for me) days. He insisted he was coming from the Glen of the Downs, (i didn't really believe him) where he had done his tree sitting thing, till the gardaí shooed him off becuase they thought he was Mi5, he explained to me that he was on his way to test his endurance and survival skills on a moor dorset or somewhere, I was well intrigued, then well worried and finally well glad to see the back of the lad, curious how a 12 hour boat and bus ride can bring you through suffering coinversation with a stranger to perhaps liking a stranger's jokes to loathing that stranger. His last words to me were - "they'll follow you". By that stage I was way past asking "who will follow me?". I left the bus station in London, glancing over my shoulder and walked round the block where I was living several times before I could go back home sure "that I had not been followed". I opened the well thumbed copy of "Catalyst" and read how the Irish and Basque were being systematically poisoned by flouride in the water...
Sean & your political Son if he's reading,
Never talk to any stranger on the road no matter what way they might be dressed.
& don't accept their pamphlets, unless you're the kind that may afford bottled®water.

by shauns youngfella Fri Jul 29, 2005 01:24

no siree