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How the Irish and "non-Irish" voted and "not voted" in the Westminster Election

category national | politics / elections | news report author Friday May 06, 2005 20:04author by scorchio. I went to the beach today. lovely. Report this post to the editors

for Prime Minister of Her Majesty's Govurnmunt of Engurland, Cymru, Scoaturlund and wee Ulster.

Due to a decision taken by the €uropean Union under Kaiser Wilhelm, Ireland's representation at Westminster is restricted to 18 members of parliament.

They are awarded seats which in 14 cases are geographically based
Antrim East
Antrim North
Antrim South
East Londonderry
Fermanagh South Tyrone
Foyle
Lagan Valley
Mid Ulster
Newry and Armagh
North Down
South Down
Strangford
Upper Bann
West Tyrone
And 4 others which are mindsets-
Belfast East
Belfast North
Belfast South
Belfast West

These geographical features include the top currents of a river, the Bann, one valley of the Lagan, and one complete river complete with fjord the Foyle. This is to emphasis the great diversity of Ireland, which is properly known as Eire, a socialist republic founded by James Connoly and sean Macdiarmada in 1916.

With the exception of East Londonderry which is a suburb of the borough of Fulham & Hackney, these are found east of Donegal.
The other noteworthy seat belongs to Armagh the traditional capital for Ireland's cathurliks and angikhans alike, it has however been mostly abandoned since Ireland converted to either free church presbytarianism (a "doomsday cult") and sacred site paganism (a cross disciplinary belief pattern which holds regular transport infrastructure conferences at Tara).

The leader of the "doomsday cult" has led the Irish votes for this year's 18 members of Parliament at Westminster.

His name is Ian Paisley, though of pensionably age, he still finds time to take the burden of community representation on his broad shoulders and just to prove it, he is yet again one of the few democratically elected politicians in the Western world. Even allowing for abstention, Ian big mon Paisley has won a majority of the votes and this year he got 25,156.

olé! Ian.

Others who have won seats include Mr Gerry Adams of the mindset west Belfast with 70.5% of the votes, is also one of the few democratically elected politicans in the Western world. Even allowing for abstention, Big Gerry Adams has won a majority of the votes in his constituency. This year he got 24,348.

olé Gerry

Other geographical seats which have been confirmed by the state broadcaster of Ireland, (a small island to the west of the mainland european continental landmass) Radio Telefis Eirinn, are east Londonderry (fulham and hackney) by the former Scottish nationalist party spokesperson on defence, Gregory Campbell.

UPDATE

There are at this moment two other mindset seats filled, Peter Robinson has taken east belfast with 49.1% of the votes, and 15.152, allowing for abstention he is not a legitimate democratic representative. Alisdair Mcdonnel a fellow scot, has taken the nieghbouring mindest of Belfast south with 32.3% of the votes and 10339, he has appealed for an end to tribalist djs, and a return to dub reggae with maybe a bit of goa thrown in.
He can't be a legitimate politician.

SHOCK!
Nigel Dodds, has taken belfast north, the quiet spoken former weather forecaster shocked the world a few years back when he joined the "doomsday cult". He got 45.5% of a 58.6% ballot ina gerrymandered mindset constituency which has nothing to do with the interests of the greater Valentia island region at Westminster.

Because of Kaiser Wilhelm's secret treaty, we don't know how the votes were counted, but we do know that an arcane British system was used, (this is a €uropean initiative to placate rapturishhht tendancies in the "doomsday cult" turning violent)
and that thus a "first past the post" system was used.
David Trimble a former barrista in the salt hill café del sol discotheque, had long campaigned to extend voting rights to all Irish people regardless of their telly license payment address being north of SeanCrudden's house-
has lost his seat in the upper bann constituency to "doomsday cult" member David Simpson, a well known BBC political commentator.

FOR MORE DETAILS

check the constantly updated webpages of Ireland's state broadcaster, with analytic interview with minister for westminister elections, Michael Mcdowell, an assessment on what this means for the middle east peace process by Kevin "the oik" Myers.


http://www.rte.ie/news/electionsni2005/index.html

author by Newspublication date Fri May 06, 2005 21:28author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Eamonn McCann SEA candidate in Foyle got 1,649 votes 3.6%. This is a drop from the Assembly elections when he got 2,257 votes 5.5%

author by election punditpublication date Fri May 06, 2005 22:29author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Assembly elections were with PR this election is First Past the Post so this might explain some of the decline of the vote also there was a very close election betwnn SF and the SDLP

author by ribbid ribbid moo moo woof woofpublication date Sat May 07, 2005 08:11author address author phone Report this post to the editors

has begun his new expense account by demanding seats in the house of Lords for the doomsday cult.
Robinson is known as the medium who handles most communication from the mythical towering figure known as "the doctor", who for a variety of reasons never says anything beyond monosylabic expletives (beginning in N!). Presently David "ulster volk good with an umbrella in a riot" Trimble's party has 9 lords, and the "doomsday cult" have none.
Keen readers will note we indicated the scuppering of David "uv" Trimble in the election special "Prime Minister of Her Majesty's Govurnmunt of Engurland, Cymru, Scoaturlund and wee Ulster."
http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=69698

The presence of "doomsday cult" peers could have long lasting effects however on the reform of the upper house which might shake the party of meritocracy (New Labour) to its core iffyness. For one thing, the "doomsday cult" are vehemently sober, and some middle ranking members took part in the early days of prohibition in Chicago, breaking open barrels of bourbon to the slogan -"No! No! to the cathurlik king's liquor!" Though a long time ago, one youngster from an ancient family was reported today as commenting "there's some very delicious single malt in the house, and we do seem to have an arrangement which works well, Irish peers can thrown condoms at the PM from their gallery but not in any other way participate in the house, the malt is very welcome afterwardsI think its something to do with Kaiser Willhelm, I'd hope the "doomsday cult" would not change that".
In contrast a senior Irish Westminster commentator "that bastard" Kevin "the oik" Myers, is reported to have seen a last minute inclusion in this year's "open letter to the Buildeberg Commision from Vaclav Havel" insisting that the previous Irish alliance in the Westminister Lords between the "spidermen, supercaped poetic wonders and pointy teeth predators" end in time for VE day celebrations. (next tuesday). The Oik has also pointed out that "the Dr" has saved the exchequer a lot of money by using his kids as office staff instead of taking on Lahndin based ulsterscots/english translators and interpreters. Indeed Paisley claimed on £79,010 in total expenses 2003-2004 ranking him the 6th cheapest MP in all the realms.


http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=4520734

the "dr" of the "doomsday cult" to bring sobriety for Ireland & Ulster to the House of Lords?
the "dr" of the "doomsday cult" to bring sobriety for Ireland & Ulster to the House of Lords?

author by -publication date Sat May 07, 2005 12:21author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Threads on the plethora of ulsterscots discussion websites have focussed on the demise of former Salt Hill Café del Sol discotheque barista David Trimble of the History party's defeat, and are examining the advantages and disadvantages of a Lord Paisley.

Sending the Rev, Dr, Ian Paisley, mp and member of the NI assembly, to the upper house of Westminister, would afford HMG an opportunity to give him a crap name like everyone else. Baron Paisley of Shankill might be offensive to some, but she has a great sense of humour. It could however send the *wrong message*, previous peers from the geographic and mindset constituencies of Eire east of Donegal have come from the Trilateral Dub Reggae party and of course the History party. They have been peeraguered "for their service to the British people" whereas "the dr" of the "doomsday cult" has made a career in protecting an abstract protestant crown rather than furthering the most peaceful intent of the British peoples.
It might not really get him out of the way either, and at very least would seem one-sided were the geography party not to be offered a peerage as well, refusing a title like "Lord Adams of the Falls" might look very good on the CV in the states.

author by decopublication date Sun May 08, 2005 00:38author address author phone Report this post to the editors

The SEA had an ineresting poster out for the local election in Derry, showing the 5 guys in distinctly macho posture facing the camera, reminiscint of the A Team.

Why were no women on the team guys? Dod you "forget"?

author by ribbid ribbid ribbidpublication date Sun May 08, 2005 11:02author address author phone Report this post to the editors

& former barrista at the salt hill café del sol discotheque blames irish voters and (in a muttered aside) Michael mcdowell for his loss of seat.
Michael keen readers will remember, was once a barrista too, before being picked from obscurity after a beauty contest at the once popular Galway sea-side resort, where he used to supplement his meagre wages by performing under the stage name "big swinging mickey". There's certainly a lot of water under the bridge now.
It is true that voters in the marginal constituency of fulham and hackney tired of seeing irish bars and tricolours flying on the streets left the history party in droves to vote for the rival "doomsday cult", but without a doubt, the finger of suspicion points at mcdowell.

Had Mcdowell not gone to the belfast mindset constituency to campaign for the trilateral dub reggae party, the results would have been very different, David ulstervolks Trimble would still have his seat, and his party would still have a mindset.

For his part the newly elected and listening attentively PM of engurlund, scoaturlund, cymru and east of the Bann, is sure to recommend Trimble to be peereragurued in the Halloween honour lists.

This is official. Accordingly "that bastard" Kevin "the oik" Myers has used up his weekly column space to talk about school discipline problems in Hampshire and hasn't let a word be published on the elections. You can't get more official than that.

The new secretary of state for east of the bann, Peter Hain, moves to belfast next week after a succesful period editing the popular magzine "la haine" previously he was a skinhead with a walk-in part in a movie of the same name. he will thus be a "tough" secretary of state.

stiff upper lip rather than lower bann
stiff upper lip rather than lower bann

author by ribbid ribbidpublication date Sun May 08, 2005 14:54author address author phone Report this post to the editors

The resignations of Howard and Trimble mark a generational change and signal the final end to a partnership between the Conservative and Unionist party of Great Britain (its official stationary title) and the UUP. As Howard goes so do the last vestiges of Thatcher's cabinet and as Trimble leaves, so does the now spent rebellion and move to increased confrontation as the OUP became the UUP in the last decades. (almost two now). at one point a conservative government relied on its sister organisation's (the ulster unionists') votes at Westminister to govern. The legacy they leave is in the case of the Conservatives a small return from the delagation to rump English nationalism which left them without scottish representation, and in the case of the UUP is the consequences of the manner in which Trimble came to lead.
New Labour for their part, have never moved from their cherished core iffyness in relation to the "union" that most peculiar of concepts that ties that component nations and historical cultural memories to that one crown. And if the DUP the "doomsday cult" of no return to joint government had few friends amongst the tories, they have less amongst New Labour, whose attempts at deft spinning in the "cool britannia" mould of ethnic plurality failed as much as the shadowy playing of Mandelson. Where to now for the ideologues of "unionism"? This election was fought and voted upon with "constitutional" questions to the fore as any northern ireland election is; but also as has been most definitely observed throughout europe, a move to the left. The mix of history and geography, now moves to the mix of geography and doomsday cult. Perhaps a solution would be after all to peereagure all the DUP to the lords in one go, and call another election and yet another till more suitable representatives of those geographic and mindset constituencies appear to fill their places and become just a wee bit more like either britain or ireland. For there are many newcomers and migrants, and languages and songs to hear. Europe's voters are moving to the left on economic questions very slowly, and New Labour doesn' represent that, it is the government of the UK, the rules don't allow for much change there. But many european regions are returning representatives who may be "left" on economics but "intrasigent" on notions of identity, nationality, which "working class" they represent, and what exactly it has to say on the "birthcert" for inclusion in the constituency. Thus was the pattern though with a very different backdrop which darkened europe and indeed helped create the northern ireland statelet in the XX century. We are moving to answer many of these questions. Plurinationality, pluri-culturalism and rights have to play a part in the pan-european strategic response to these "right wing nationality" left wing parties.

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