your first Nuclear bomb.

national | miscellaneous | news report Wednesday March 19, 2003 14:57 by iosaf ipsiphi o as if

more than 12million$/€ to spend? nursing a grudge?

how to make a Weapon of Mass Destruction number 1. The nuclear device.

One find some nuclear material.
Uranium
Plutonium are top bets.
Now these are not available for over the counter sale, but then again neither is my personalised mix of herbs and flora.
If you try shopping around former Soviet states you might find some of the above material.
tip1. do not cross the German frontier oce you have completed the sale.

Find a nuclear physicist.
these are very easy to find, you may go to the yahoo group "disgruntled nuclear physicists for peace" though they may not help you in the next stage.

Get nuclear physicist to make "a conventional starter kit", this comprises a small inclosed system with where two lumps of "nuclear material" are forced to collide within a very small area by a conventional explosive charge. There are nuerous american websites which will give you step by step instructions on rebuilding this very simple and cheap "weapon of mass destruction".

Now one presumes that you have succesfully built your first nuclear device.
You have probably avoided detection by international authorities and are itching to see you WMD in action.
it is at this stage that you should think about either "delivery" or "testing".

Testing presumes you have more nuclear devices.
Testing will attract attention of the "international community" this is due to the large number of seimologists with very little real work on thier hands. You may find seimologists at the yahoo newsgroup "seismologists for peace".

Delivery presumes you want to "nuke" somewhere else. (it is most advisable that you "nuke" somewhere at least fifteen kilometres from your position which should be at least three metres below ground and it helps if you have a few sandbags against the door. It is also advisable though not obligatory to choose your "bunker" as the techincal term is in a "down wind" position.

Delivery can be done in a number of ways.

You could elect to engage the services of any one of a number of "courier" services such as DHL, An Post or even a "moonlighting nixer merchant" pizza delivery motorcyclist.

Please note you will have to explain the unusual "weightyness" of your Nuclear device which would probably be classified as a "a conventional atomic bomb" and as such needs certain Customs declarations...you will get into trouble for this.
make sure you have the number of a good solicitor for this one.

You may chose to select air launch.
This is comparatively easy just make sure there are no "no fly" zones in operation in your airspace. Though if your light aircraft carrying an uusally heavy coventional atomic bomb is shot down you will still witness from your "bunker" a WMD i action though this will technically be a "dirty bomb". You might miss the "mushroom cloud bit".

If you choose to be "safely out of the way" which is generally any distance above 1500 kilometres from the detonation, you may choose to use a "missile" delivery system.

I have left a list of SCUD missiles which are the favourite means of doing this thing on the newswire last year. There are currently more than 70 countries you could get your SCUD from. If you can not afford a SCUD, and so far your budget is about 9million$/€ then you could try and copy earlier designs like the V2. You will again find yahoo newsgroups and American based websites with step by step instructions on how to this.

If you have problems reading American, you could always subscribe to various arabic/english translation tools which are available at small cost online.

Remember a nuclear device is very dangerous.
Don't think of it as being as easy to use as a cudgel or a sliothar.
Also remember that if you do opt for the "1500 safe distance" option you will start to experience "minimal fallout" between 3 weeks and five months later. You might like to supervise your milking cows feed during this period, if you keep cows.

Next in the series will be
"how to cultivate Anthrax, Plague and Pox in temperate regions".