C.V. to An Taoiseach

national | workers issues | press release Wednesday November 02, 2011 00:49 by Pádraig Ó Gráinne

Office of An Taoiseach Merrion Square Dublin 2 Éire

Dear Taoisech,
I would like to put myself forward for a position in your office, I am sure that there is a vacancy as it appears that you are lacking a special advisor on common sense and public interaction.
I believe that I am very qualified to take up such a role and it is very clear that you need a person like me, particularly for dealing with matters that concern the ordinary people of Ireland who you seem to have forgotten.
I spend a lot of my day worrying about debt (like many others) and I look on as you laugh and joke in the Dáil chambers, even when issues of grave importance are being discussed and I wondered how you can be so cheery in times of sheer gloom, and then it struck me that you have no idea what is going on in the country, well Enda, I am just the man to help you, I can tell you all about owing on credit cards, about having mortgage arrears, I know loads about unemployment, I have a great understanding of ESB over charging (prices gone up despite wholesale electricity being at the lowest price in 5 years), I can tell you about having no food for a couple of days while you wait for a payment and then when you receive it, the money is gone the same day because you had to borrow to pay your gas bill, I know all about the price of clothes but that info might be outdated because I haven’t had any new clothes for the last number of years, I do know however that the prices of Ham, beef, lamb, fish, all veg, Milk, cheese, butter, eggs, bread, flour, Tea, pasta, jam, marmalade, and fruit all increased in price, along with cigarettes, cinema, haircuts and motor fuel, for those you can afford such luxuries.
I appreciate that you are very worried about the millionaire bond holders that lost their bets and you feel the need to help them out a bit, and I recognize that us Irish are known for our charitable nature, but come on now Enda, you can’t seriously justify giving the money to these lads when your own folk are going hungry and are stressed to bits on just staying alive.
I could spend the day compiling a C.V. for you to prove that I am the right man for the job Enda, but I am not sure which language to use and who to address my application to, should it be you or one of your Banking Bosses or can you pass it on to one of your supervisors in the E.U.
(please don’t rob my idea for the special advisor in common sense and public interaction position and give it to one of your mates), maybe you could create a ministerial post? Well I will leave the details up to you, just tell me the time and day I start, I will organize renting my own house in Dublin and charge it to expenses so don’t worry about that.

Yours Sincerely