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The Rival Sunday Papers.Sunday Review/Sunday Preview /Sunday view

category national | miscellaneous | opinion/analysis author Sunday September 07, 2003 19:11author by iosaf (like I can't hide my name can I?) Report this post to the editors

Just like in the newspapers you can get on the street.

It has been long observed that people for some reason on their non-banking days readily absorb shite about Dangerous Places, Famous People, Sensible Saving Options, Holidays, Interesting facts, Sport results, Media, gardening and health as well looking ahead at “upcoming issues” including September 11.
This therefore Concerns the same conceptual textual space that weekly produces “I really can’t think of anything newsworty to write” stuff from me. But I do not feel ashamed of nor dissuaged from writing a Sunday article unhindered by petty concerns for how difficult it is to be an editor, a worker, or reader reconciling split infinitives.

Dangerous places of which we shall never pretend there are not many :
word from Irish activists in Iraq.
iraq http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60976


Famous People: It would be a pity if you get his next record and forgot to find out why Manu Chao cancelled his concerts in Spain and wrote letters to the government. How much do you know about “the man behind the songs”?
phase 4 http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60946


Sensible Saving Options: The residents of county Donegal are beginning a campaign to stop gold mining which shall without doubt have serious implications for the environment, fortunes of many, jobs and the continuing problems afflicting Future trading.
au http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60955

Sport: Summer ends and most workers especially parents are in debt. More employers are liquidated, globally crops are ruined and balls are still getting kicked. I am not the sporty type. But the british new labour party finally presented “Norman Tebbit’s cricket test” as a residency examination for the welcome travellers from hot countries and sundry other formerly mistrusted lands. But we must remember that the new residence examination being backed by British New Labour who you never ever know where you are with, is written by a New Labour enthusiast /hagiographer of George Orwell. The examination is aptly then may we consider to be presented in English, Welsh and Gaelic.






Interesting Facts:
1. The institutions of state most relished by the famial collectives of western capitalist imperialist powers since 1944 are not in evidence in Iraq.
Indeed these relished institutions, I have often written are “the instruments of their continuing capitalist power” the IMF (internacional monetary fund), theWorld Bank, and the Organisation of United Nations (UN-ONG) I have often written are “the instruments of the continuing capitalist power of the familial collectives at the Heart of western imperialism,” excerpted pamhlet 418.
Repeat not in Iraq. Though that is not to say they have never been in Iraq. Iraq let us remember has a very long and literate history which pushes the boundaries of Western understanding. Those rulers again, those authoritarian and patriarchial types with the ocasional queen thrown in for variety so discounted by anarchist, as they say have a lot of work to do.
2. Every reader and through them have others have learnt something new about the Basque region in the last week. Hopefully those stereotypes previously associated with Basque interest are being broken down. Learn something else :- the Sunday link to facts and figures (like him or loathe him he can do facts and figures on occasió):http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=50048



Upcoming Issues.

As we know other articles of faith have been up for discusió this week and with a lack of any decisión detected from the centralised brain (Yes, it sits in a fishtank) the spawn of
Harlot, murderer, Thief and taxpayer : socialst workers party will be proseltyising all week on a “selling newspapers will make September 11 the critical point in the Hegalian dialectic that brings the worker home and makes them happy. Watch out for this, anarchists, greens, republicans, liberation theologists, socialists and even the careerist types (aren’t they really cool honestly) of the Irish Labour party will have loads of SWiMie people to de-program come Octubre. When maybe the terrorist event of Septembre 11 recedes. (and yes it has tendrils and the fishtank got bubbles too)(I spelt with a swimmie years ago and she’d been there)(No I don’t have any photographs).
swm http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60953


IT. Can you Protect your computer for virases?
You may fear spam probable best to leave your computer (or your employer’s computer) in the off mode this week.


Mr Guiliani is coming to Cork . What are we going to be blamed for? As sharp members of the SP noted this week the common rank and file Garda has gone beyond just reading indymedia to pretending tobe comrades and writing comments. Needless to say some older anarchists have seen all this before and the word is “it’s the Cia/fbi/mi5/mi6/vatican/kgb worker moles”. But did they notice the subterfuge of the agent provacatuers? The idea of pieing Mr Guiliani the former mayor of NYC was proposed and seconded. Might the garda/cia/fbi/mi/vatican/kgb worker note, it is a sticky web. September is difficult for us all. You should never ever discount the possibility of finding a different job and way of life for yourself and your loved ones.



The living section.
http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60969

2001 in London protesters of the reclaim the streets family converged to stop the annual arms fair. They saw the arms fair close for trading that day, may we reflect they returned last week. Chile. Sept 11. 73Unless you are the very worst of egoists or social thoerists or careerist politicians You will know that Chile was not about Allende alone, we have not stopped counting the dead and dissapeared of that time. That is some of what ought be meant by Chile.

Holidays: the sensitive poet went mushroom picking and so crossed the boundaries of Orwell. Whether you like him or loathe him he weaves a sticky web. Iosaf’s ne plus ultra (attentive readers only) http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60933


Horoscope: How you ever thought how gullible you may be? You need to be more sensitive but don’t forget to always have that thick skin for when its needed. The number 11 will feature strongly this week.

Media supplement:-
Mr Aznar handed over power to his sucesor and RTE has squeezed the sigue into their His career to date saw eight years of PP rule, and moved from coalition with the catalan and basque nationalist parties in the first four years to critical difference in the last four years. From the negotiations of a ceasefire between basque extremists and the Spanish State to illegalisation of the political representation of those extremists. His career saw Spain grow in economic and political stature on the western capitalist stage. Unavoidably Aznar’s Spain was to find herself repositioned on that stage in the aftermath of the “Bush presidency” the subsequent “terrorist event”. Spain is now a military partner of the USA in the intriguing consequence of all those “terrorist events” the so called “reconstruction of Iraq”.

Health:-
In this last week sufferers of MS, cancer and chronic artritis were allowed by law to be given Cannabis on prescription in the Netherlands after extenisve medical research and lobbying has satisfied the Dutch Authorities.

Gardening:
It’s never a bad time to start cultivation. But think about you’re rainy days and keeping your greens warm in winter. There’s no better way to install a bit of Irish ambience in your home by the proper transplantation of a good mycellae and it’s mushroom spores to a sterile environment. You can while away the autumn evenings with the digest of RTE’s world report a really good piano sonata and a fine cup of cocoa. You’ll fell well assured that the Irish are getting influenced enough by the rest and don’t need any new types of media or anything. But there is a new type of media. And as long as you don’t write anything that is racist, too filled with the fucky word, denies the Holocaust or proven genocides or could get the whole collective in legal trouble you can write whatever you want right now in your Sunday Newspaper and everyone who sees the paper will be able to read it too.http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=60939

author by Ali la Pointe - fu-fighting anti-imperialistaspublication date Sun Sep 07, 2003 20:07author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Heard a great one on Talk Radio the other day in London. Someone phoned in with three questions that could be put to people applying for British Citizenship:

1) Did we invade your country?

2) How long did we stay?

3) Were you glad when we left?


made me and the taxi driver both laugh

author by homelesspublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 11:48author address author phone Report this post to the editors

has the housing section been discontinued?

author by middle class (really I'm not a worker) - we've a mortgage.publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 11:53author address author phone Report this post to the editors

are you forgetting your core readership?

also I have a question for the gardening editor:

Now that global warming has given us all the indian summers we've craved, my husband and I have decided to save some money on those inexpensive weekend breaks down south. Do you have any suggestions for something to put just beyond the terrasa, so that the neighbours might be rightously covetous and fucked off envious?

author by gardening editor.publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 12:02author address author phone Report this post to the editors

well now Mrs that depends on the nature of the terrasa. Is it a verandah type terrasa or a more restrained patio type terrasa?

Many people like to give a "rural" feel to their terrasa/patio/verandah/crazypaving with some blackberries (very high in Vitamin C) lemon grass is a sure favourite, a little touch and the aroma of lemon diffuses pleasantly in the air. Honestly Mrs all the visitors to your home will notice the refreshing smell.

[it's always fucking crazy paving isn't it?]

author by Middle class (we put up a 25% deposit) - and it's an equity mortgage.publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 13:02author address author phone Report this post to the editors

My house looks just like all the others on the avenue and really what we are looking for is something to express our individuality and personality. (I was only joking about the making the neighbours rightously covetous and fucked off in envy) I 'm not that type at all, and my husband [S] isn't either. We like to think of ourselves as caring types, and if we followed up on your blackberry suggestion surely all the poor of the realm, (the bus comes through the avenue on the hour) will be picking them and dying of lead poisoning or something. I'd hate to think my security and peace of mind was somehow connected to that suffering.

any more tips?

author by gardening editorpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 13:07author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Have you tried hibiscus or fuschia? lovely spread of colour, looks well in a basket and you'll be able to offer your friends a refreshing cup of herbal tea. As for the poor of the realm, well they'll always be with us, eh?
Though if we maybe expand the middle class consistently over a forty year period, and everyone get's an equity mortgage you'll be grazing your hibiscus for food.


By the way, like most "filler" contributors to the sunday papers, I get paid pittance for my tips, and live in a scuzzy flat, I tried writing sensitive poetry but it doesn't scan well, and the royalties have been few and far between. I really want to tell you to stick your fuschia so far up your ***--@$%

author by Editorpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 13:09author address author phone Report this post to the editors

The rival Sunday review/preview/view sunday papers is seeking a gardening editor. Renumeration shall be according to current NUJ rates but normally we'll just stick a NUJ name on the article and pay you a tenner a month or two down the line. Interested failed poets, emmigrated writers, and of course the poor of the realm who are literate are invited to apply.

author by homelesspublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 13:11author address author phone Report this post to the editors

can I do a "personal" account of being homeless as a human interest perspective on the housing crises? I can spell and mend exceedingly good rhymes.

author by Editorpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 13:12author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I mean Where could we send your cheque?
And as we all know, we only do "homeless" first hand account pieces once a year, closer to the christmas shopping season. I´ll put your details on file. Do you have long hair?

author by very middle class - (my wife and I have university degree)publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 14:41author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir,
I am writing to you in the hope that you will use your influence at the respected and much loved (in our home anyway) Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers, to bring a matter of great concern to the readers at large.
whilst gardening this weekend I heard the unmistakeble sound of the Cryptic Antthrush & Dubois Seedeater. I'm sure you'll agree this is great news as that bird had been thought to be extinct.
http://worldtwitch.virtualave.net/birdbook.cgi/read/70

author by formerly middle class. - my university degree is worth shit.publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 15:31author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I studied ornithology at third level after being exposed to many TV adverts that awakened my interest in our feathered friends. Since finishing university, I have never cleared my debts, and indeed the bank have now closed my accounts. Nor have I ever found interesting or worthwhile work and thus now spend my time installing crazy pavement. It's not bad work, and we graduates it is undeniable have seen the crazy pavement sector grow in diversity. When I began it was just a few concrete slabs or a sprinkle of gravel . Oh, how we laugh now when we look back at those visits to Powerscourt to fill the boot of the car with that gravel. But now our sector reflects the changing times and crazy paving comes in "terrasa", "verandah" and "patio" types. However I nor none of those I work with have ever been able to "unlearn" all that stuff I put myself in debt for. So to reassure your readers could you find a bit of space in the next issue for the "list of endangered bird species" please, I have I know spent too much time embittered by the fate of the Black Swan, the swallow, the Canadian Goose and such like, and I have trouble sleeping or even looking my customers in the eye when I think how many youngsters I might have influenced by my attitude, which to be honest, is a sort of "Fuck you" pitch.


It would make me feel somehow useful.

Related Link: http://www.bellmore-merrick.k12.ny.us/webquest/math/species.html
author by working classpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 15:36author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I am working class and proud of it. I am an industrial PAYE worker. I want to say that none of my family nor none of my friends are fooled by all these ornithology crazy pavement types of "new working class" and therefore I want the readers to know, that working class is working class.
do you work?
You do? oh you might think you're working class, but you're not. And we don't want you to be either. Fuck off all you nouveuax proletariats.

author by former British Army Officer retired and resident in "Eire".publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 15:45author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir,
I am a retired British Army officer living in southern Ireland with my wife, where we moved after our children (who are on drugs) went to Goa, India and never came back. I am writing this letter to you to prove the unwritten rule that you have to print it.
That's all.

author by formerly working classpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 15:52author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I come from a working class background, although I am now the owner of a large and profitable business. Although I haven't done a day's work in the last 20 years (stuffing my fat belly probably isn't work), I constantly harp on about being working class. I find this especially useful when any of my minnions get uppity, which is especially wont to happen when they get a bit of education in their little heads. I just swear and curse, call them middle class and go on about the trials of being a real industrial worker and they normally shut up.

What a laugh!

author by Jimmy Connollypublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 16:08author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear sir,

once I complained of the divisions in the working class due to sixpence looking down at thrupence. Now I see some of my comrades argue for the reverse. Perhaps I was not clear enough first time around?

author by editor of "a problem shared is a problem halved and a page - filledpublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 16:11author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear formerly middle class,
Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that you real worry is "how can you be middle class again". Well these type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will you have noted withhold your personal details, and they are now safely in the same filing cabinet in the office that holds the paedophiles, rapists, armed bankrobbers and homeless people who suggest doing a "first hand piece" out of season.

author by Fr. Ignatius Dinanting P.P.publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 16:14author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Can I just remind you that this is a catholic country for a catholic people and in the last weeks I have detected an unmistakebly upsurge in interest in other catholic countries for other catholic people. This as we know is not in the interests of this catholic country or this catholic people. When I look at the youngsters who come to mass with their middle class parents, all I can think is what ideas are they being exposed to?
Please, Editor, you know me well, my contributions to our parish's life are well known, will you do an editorial?

author by formerly homelesspublication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 21:39author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you to apply for the current vacancy of Gardening Editor at the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View Sunday Papers. I remember your kind and encouraging letter to me when I was homeless, and feel happy to tell you I have been afforded a bed at the hostel after only a short wait of three months and feel sure now with a little luck I can return to being middle class.
yours sincerely

author by former British Army Officer retired and resident in "Eire".publication date Mon Sep 08, 2003 21:42author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir,
I read with interest the letter from PP Ignatius and would like to ask him and other readers through your organ the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday papers, does he remember the days when northern ireland was a protestant land for a protestant people. I feel obliged to further ask "Who made those states?

author by Human Resource director of the Rival Sunday Review/Previewpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:46author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Thank you for your application and interest in the Sunday Papers. I have indeed found your application and file in the same place we keep the list of Bilderbergers, Illuminati, ex-priest imported in plain clothes to Ireland in the 70s, all the army council members of the IRA, all of them, and the tri-lateral commision translators.

I am sorry but we can not offer you a job without a reference.

author by Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday paperspublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:52author address author phone Report this post to the editors

My Dear Adrian,
I had hoped we had put these constant challenges to my editorial authority behind us. Yes of course you are welcome to write whatever you want to the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday papers, but I can't keep publishing all your letters. Maybe you could go back to the old days and just give me a phone call or something.
yours as ever,
Sean.

author by editor of "a problem shared is a problem halved and a pagepublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:59author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear formerly working class,
your letter to the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday papers has been passed on by the editor for me to answer. I hope you'll appreciate that We really are very busy here in the office.
:-
Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that you real worry is being "the owner of a large and profitable business" as well as being an overweight parasite. Well these type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will you will note put your personal details and photo in our succesful people section in the next edition. And if it is not to much trouble for you, there is currently a vacancy for gardening editor. The post does include a small renumeration.
yours sincerely,
the Rival Sunday Papers.

author by iosafpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 13:02author address author phone Report this post to the editors

by reflecting on John XXIII's much confused papal bull that said quite specifically that it shall never be lawful to intefere with the creative principle of human procreation.
Which means the conjunction of 23 male chromosomes and 23 female chromosomes which cuases fertilisation.
It didn't mean condoms, johnnies, pills, iud, morning after pills, or anything else.
The man meant exactly what he said. Popes have a marked tendancy to be very clever, especially when they make infallible statements.
and no I'm not a catholic.
if the cap fits wear it.

aren't the Sunday papers great?

author by Rev. Ignatius PPpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 13:10author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Now that's exactly the sort of over educated, liberal, linguistically accurate sort of shite that is challenging the patriarchial structure of the Western Roman Church, my God can't you see where all that would end? Society needs it's authority. And for over 1400 years might I remind Iosaf that authority has been the church! All of us, people, sinners, dead Jesus, ressurected Jesus, saints, nuns, monks, expenisve bishops, orphanages, schools, Cardinal Richelieu, historiographers, theologians, jesuits and I'll let you know that all those things you glibly refer to in your johnnie list are banned, no.no.no.no.NO.No. Ulster emphatic fucking No. That means there not coming into this catholic country for a catholic people. And you really have disturbed my intepretation of a corner stone doctrine of the modern RC church especially when I think that Vatican 2 was sidelined. And I'm sweating about it, coz I can't putyour effin clever protestant words in to any one of the officially recognised schema of heretic thoughts.

So I'm going to recommend that you get a
Nobel prize or something.

fucking country is going to shite.

author by Tristan and Iseulde - The Post Kicking Karma Assessment Asrhampublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 14:09author address Goa, India.author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/view/Sunday Papers,
we are writing to you in the hope that you will allow some space in your paper for discussion on the issues facing world agriculture. As we all know climate changes have laid waste to many areas of cultivation. Furthermore use of chemical pesticides and fertilisers have incremently poisoned both livestock and crops. The farmers of India know these problems as well as their brothers and sisters in Africa or South America. It seems that serious reconsideration to the rules applied to international trade, investment, land ownership and agriculture have to be made. However in the immediate past leaders of Ireland (Mrs Harney), editors of newspapers, the White House and directors of Biotech multi-national corporations have proposed that adopting trans-genetic and gentically modified seeds and indeed the future cloned livestock may better address the problems suffered by food producers in the Third World than those methods of seed retention and selective breeding of crops and livestock practised since pre-history. It concerns us both and many others that under extreme pressure from the White House, Multi-national corporations and ministers of technology and development in the West, that the Vatican nominally the focus of one billion inhabitants of this world have now moved to a non-doctrinal (in it's own laws) and therefore heretical position on Genetic modifications which mock the creative priniciple if not the creative mechanics.
We hope that our father and mother are well and have found a new home in their retirement away from the cruel hypocrisy and snide backstabbing of Hampstead.
yours etc.,
Tristan and Iseulde

author by Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday paperspublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 14:11author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Thanks for the phone call, I agree with you, it is a terrible thing to see your kids on drugs, and don't you worry that letter won't be printed.

author by Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday paperpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 16:45author address author phone Report this post to the editors

You write that you once complained of the divisions in the working class due to sixpence looking down at thrupence. & that Now you see some of your comrades arguing for the reverse. I'm sorry but you haven't made yourself very clear. Try again.

author by immigrantpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 16:53author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear "a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filled" section, I am a recent immigrant to Ireland where I moved with my girlfriend and our two lovely blonde-haired children from Denmark where we met in the late 90s. I have found Ireland to be a welcoming country indeed I have never ever seen a lack of the "céad mile failte", I found both steady work and secure housing without any difficulty despite my lack of qualifications and that small matter with drug smuggling back in '96. My life has found true meaning in this new country and my children appear regularly in TV adverts. But unfortuantely my relationship with my girlfriend has gone through bad times of late, and we are splitting up, though can I stress without too much animosity. And so the problem, I have done my best to "fit-in" with Irish people and irish ways and customs, and accordingly when my girlfriend and I arrived we let it be known that we were married just like all the other people on the estate. Well now my girlfriend's father who is a prominent succesful business owner (indeed I have seen his photo in your paper), is encouraging her to "make sure the efin lawyers take him for everything he's worth, the middle class Danish fucker". Can we succesfully sue for divorce under Irish law if we have never been married?
Or should we just come clean with the whole affair and break the news that the children are illegitamate and it really is a great pity that my girlfriend /"wife" couldn't exercise more self-control?

author by editor of "a problem shared is a problem halved and a page - filledpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 16:58author address author phone Report this post to the editors

:-
Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that you real worry is "how will the children take it?".
These type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will of course withold your personal details, and they have been safely filed away with the Fianna Fail property development maps.
yours sincerely,
the Rival Sunday Papers.

author by Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday paperspublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 17:02author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I'm afraid I'll have to refrain from publishing your letter, as our publishing policy is quite clear, the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers is an Irish interest publication, for Irish people, in Ireland.
I'm sure your interesting tale from the London cab will find a welcoming editor in any one of the London papers, might I suggest:
The Evading Standards, or Maybe.

author by Dr. Omar Hassampublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 21:51author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir/Madam,
I have attached with this email a short advert which I hope you can place in the next issue of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday papers. I have attached it is a MS word document and a Clarisworks Mac comapatible document and a Unix based program.
I am a recent immigrant to Ireland, I speak four languages fluently, and hold a Ph.D in my subject from the university of Ghambia. However I don't want to dissuade anyone from employing me perhaps because they think I am overqualified. I am prepared to work at any type of activity and indeed have become well used to the demands of the modern work place.
I have also enclosed a postage order for the required 50€ fee.

author by iosafpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 22:41author address author phone Report this post to the editors

As we all know, cyberspatial architecture allows the 4º dimension (of time) to transcend on occasion the contemporary fixation with "immediacy". Thus we may instantly "see" a Pentagon in flames, so also may we synchronously "see" two towers collapse, yet searching for the "now" we often find pages which were last updated years and years ago, and how many times do we open emails and ponder the time of their emission?

¿Are ye with me?
Let us thus pretend that in the parallel universe of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View the Sunday Papers, the prestigious organ of the Irish people time (has as we humans would say) jumped forward a bit: just a few days.

author by Small ads section the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/Viewpublication date Tue Sep 09, 2003 22:45author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Dr. Omar Hassam Ph.D,
{i hope i got that right} I have received your email of September 9th, and might I be the first to welcome you to Ireland, to give you the "cead mile failte" as they say. I think you're really accomplished, four languages, great. Can you read and write them too? Great. Unfortuanately we weren't able to open your attachments, all that talk of virii and stuff, makes us a bit nervous of that. And indeed I am sorry to tell you that the small ads are booked up till 2004. Will you be staying long?

author by Mrs Xpublication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 02:30author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I'm very worried about my son Seáinín. He always seems to be in a rage. He goes onto the internet at all hours of the day and night. I don't know what he does be typing, but the language out of him is atrocious.

I think there must be something seriously wrong with him. His father is suffering from an extreme state of shock, and I fear for his health. Is it our fault? Where did we go wrong? I'm beside myself with worry.
Please don't publish my name, I'm afraid it may send Seáinín over the edge. What can we do to stop this nightmare?

author by "a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filled"publication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 11:06author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that you real worry is "is my son adapting to the new technology?".
These type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will of course withold your personal details, and they have been safely filed away with the 1922 border commission.
yours sincerely,
the Rival Sunday Papers.

author by Dr. Omar Hassampublication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 11:08author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I notice my postal order hasn't been returned. Perhaps there has been some oversight at the office?

author by Mrs "x" (2)publication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 11:24author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear "a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filled" section, I'm very worried about my daughter, she has taken to scrawling the most worrying stuff on the neighbourhood walls. I've suggested she leave NCAD for a job in th service industry, but she just ignores me. Surely I am not alone in my plight.

author by a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filledpublication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:26author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Mrs X (2)
You took the words out of my mouth, of course you are not alone in your plight, rest assured of that! There are many others just like you, indeed you have touched on a widespread concern. Did you ever try talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that your real worry is "will my daughter despite being a modern post-feminist find herself a suitable husband?".
These type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will of course withold your personal details, and they have been safely filed away with the Mother and Child Act.
yours sincerely,
the Rival Sunday Papers.

author by Mr Joe "x".publication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 13:17author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear "a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filled" section,
I have no-one else to turn to. My mammy is finding it very difficult to adjust to being middle class. She has coped well with being formerly working class, but can get no further. It's seperating the recyclable waste from the composting that gets her. I called her every week to see if she's got the hang of it yet, on the mobile I bought her for Christmas, but she never leaves it on. She mutters something about brain tumors and radio waves, I mean honestly, you'd think after seeing myself and my sister graduate in science subjects with might I add flying colours {(of which I am rightously conceitful and a tad fuck you off in pride)} and then find ourselves secure housing (mortgage only got ten years to go now, thank God, managed to get in before the property boom, laughing thank you very much) she'd realise that she ought to make more of an effort on being middle class.
Today I heard from that odd girl who is always covered in spray paint that lives down the avenue that Ma (my mother) is obstructing the bin men.
I am truly distraught. I have I think tried everything, perhaps other readers have these problems too?

author by Small ads section the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/Viewpublication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 13:40author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Omar!
how are you, how's the jobhunting going, I'm sure you're settling in to your new life and the demands of the modern workplace. I'm sure you don't mind the few "little pointers" along the way, so here's one:-
In Ireland, we never send money by post, it's not that we can't be trusted or anything, but you never know.
Do you know anything about crazy paving?

author by a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filledpublication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 15:08author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
I think after carefully considering your letter, that you real worry is "are the current pensions plans really secure enough to make last days comfortable so as I don't have to rely on my children?".

These type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will of course withold your personal details, and they have been safely filed away with the hospital waiting lists for kidneys, livers, heart bypass operations and false hips.

author by Fr. Ignatius the improved Parish Priest. - now occasionally seen in plain clothes.publication date Wed Sep 10, 2003 15:15author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Séan,
I think you have to an editorial on stopping the old euthanasia coming in by the back door, sure as we know, (well I do, what with that feudal right to hear but not repeat confessions)[droit de siegneur] the nurses are on drugs, Sean.
And the doctors too. I know, it's shocking because they're good middle class Irish young people the hope of our future, but they're toxic. Can't keep a steady hand in the place. One of the mothers ____"was having a little conversation with me"____ ***;-) between yourself and myself.
And she's petrified, sure the son is pushing electromagnetic radioactive death on her. In the last year he's sent her a mobile, a microwave, a portable compact disc player, and I ask you? a minidisc burner. We really have to get the fingers out and plug the dyke Séan.
see you @ mass,
Ignatius +

author by -publication date Thu Sep 11, 2003 13:59author address author phone Report this post to the editors

$

author by omar hassempublication date Thu Sep 11, 2003 18:06author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear Sir/Madam,
I would be glad if you could communicate to your readers the following information.


00h05 12th day 9th month 2003
for motivation of the day of independence
there will be short programe of one hour
duration with music, static, reflections on Chile, Cancun, the words of our brothers and sisters of the Zaptista movement, the independence of the Catalan people, the "papers for all" demand, and tweedy nationalist bits.
91.4fm and other channels.

author by editor. SRPVSPpublication date Thu Sep 11, 2003 18:41author address author phone Report this post to the editors

ah, we've prepared the next Sunday papers, so you can try again in the future. Try and try again.

author by formerly a diplomatpublication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:14author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Dear "a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filled" section,
I don't really know why but something has changed, for some time now I have been like doing my best with very difficult situations to be diplomatic, what with having grown up in a "diplomatic" country around "diplomatic" people, who love to let the world know how really "diplomatic" they are. But lately things have been less than diplomatic, the trouble really started around three years ago, and well one of the Golden Rules is "if you've been rude say sorry".

I apologise therefore to the arresting officer who verified my identity and stuff the day that USA assisted by the UK declared war on Iraq.

I also apologise to the staff of the US consulate where I was arrested for being less than diplomatic and probably outspoken.

I apologise to the Swiss that their history and culture from Asterix and Helvetia has meant a regard for the mechanism that loses the rythm.

I apologise to the British for living.

I apologise to the Africans for not answering their constant pleas for money laundering assistance in matters of international corruption.

I apologise to the Italians for never taking them seriously enough to be less than diplomatic to them.

I apologise to the Holy See for not saying enough of those Hail Maries.

I apologise to the UN for thinking it was the proper and concensual instrument for international conflict resolution.

I apologise to Aidan for being an email pest.

I apologise to all the american internet companies that push adverts in our faces at the price of giving us 4mb of filing space in their monstrous parody of civilised value.

I apologise to the Spanish for saying I live in Catalonia when it's Spain.

I apologise to the Catalans for saying I live in Spain when it's Catalonia.

I apologise to all the victims and perpertrators of war and destruction for not being sufficiently scared to remain silent.

I apologise to the Israelis for not prefacing every word I have written on Palestine with a caveat on forgetting the Holocaust.

I apologise to all my friends to whom I can't write.

I apologise to Bill Gates for laughing at the information line.

I apologise to the Japanese Corporations for what ever it is I will have perhaps done.

I apologise to the Irish for tricking them.

¿where would be a good place to leave this ongoing list of "apology"?

author by a Problem shelved is a Problem halved and one more filed.publication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:16author address author phone Report this post to the editors

you have won a prize.
diplomats@dublin.ie

rest assured...

author by formerly mad scientist.publication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:19author address author phone Report this post to the editors

I used to be a mad scientist, and in the last three years things have gone sort of strange........[we even edit the transparent record of the Sunday Review/View/Preview]

author by problems problems problems is the mind truly testedpublication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:32author address author phone Report this post to the editors

oh the names you think up for yourself, anyway you don't get an email thingy, and you ought to apologise to your collective for not getting arrested in the morning will them because you got out of bed late and did a global newsflash that the war had begun hours after everyone else knew. but sure we all got the message didn't we?

author by formerly marriedpublication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:33author address author phone Report this post to the editors

may I slyly sneak off now?

author by editorpublication date Mon Sep 29, 2003 23:33author address author phone Report this post to the editors

dont get the papers confused.

author by Editor of the Rival Sunday Review/Preview/View/sunday papers - in a resting capacity and not to be considered working in any debt clearance sense.publication date Fri Oct 22, 2004 01:22author address we traditionally call it the cyber architecture of chronologyauthor phone Report this post to the editors

@ last you have your property supplement which you lamented on the 8th of September 2003. Long ago in the boring shite the monkeys call time.
It appears (((i))) is now competing with the Irish Times in its salubrious we like that we'll use it again salubrious, we'll mis-spell it and drag it out, salluoo.brie-us four to the power of three leeson.
It was nice to see so many of you keen and attentive readers get to realising you're formerly middle class, formerly working class, formerly student class, formerly homeless and so on. We note you learnt about eleven as well. And yep we're wearing a little cap and buring incense and using the plural it's a giggle and the cat likes it.
We shall naturally all take up a petition and campaign to have the place evicted due to the un-natural noises the new yuppie residents will make. Unless of course they see to the garden. Look after the garden and everything will be ok. We never missed the gardening supplement ¿did we? nope just lost the editor.

No. quite.

..."Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?"...

Related Link: http://www.indymedia.ie/newswire.php?story_id=67119
author by peterpublication date Fri Oct 22, 2004 09:45author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Do you think people shouldnt buy houses? Rent perhaps?

As for your hatred of gardening, if only more people had an interest in plants and ecology...

author by a Problem shared is a Problem halved and a page filledpublication date Fri Oct 22, 2004 10:43author address author phone Report this post to the editors

Well you have touched on a widespread concern there, rest assured you are not alone in your plight, there are many others just like you, have you tried talking to a trusted loved one?
We think after carefully considering your letter, that your real worry is "can you trust mortgage lenders not to foreclose the contract if you stop making your payments"

These type of worries hit us all at some stage, and rest assured you are not alone, there are many others just like you.
Thank you for writing to the Sunday Review/Preview/View/Sunday Papers. We will of course with-hold your personal details, and they have accordingly been _not so safely_ filed away with the deeds of 16 Leeson Street (upper) Dublin 4. Eire.

We hope you continue to take an interest (and read carefully) the back issues of the Sunday Review/Peview/View/ Sunday Papers.

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