Nuns help find G spot.
international |
sci-tech |
other press 
Friday September 01, 2006 14:50
by sofia
Vincent Paquette & Mario Beauregard are tippy toppy scientists based in Canada who have built their reputation scanning happy brains. Meaning, they have paid their mortage, put their kids through school, gone on holidays & generally got on with it all thanks to ample government & some small corporate funding. During which they've selected small groups of "happy individuals" & put them through brain scans to discover what really kicks that happiness switch".
Having had wonderful results on their neural scans of men at orgasm they have now recruited no less than 15 Carmelite nuns (who belong to the order founded by the very happy Teresa in today's illustration) to go through functional magnetic resonance whislt they remember the most intense.....
"mystical experience they have ever had".
Thus will this team of scientists discover the G spot that point of the brain where God does it firing off the synapses & cranking up the seretonin & dopameine.
It is conceivable that location of the "God spot" ( the other g spot is a myth - yes it is. ) will allow pharmaceutical corporations to sell us "divine ecstasy" drugs within 20 years.
For the moment I'll stick with the snowball.
time for a recipe.
take one street deal of smack and one street deal of cocaine. Dilute the smack with distilled water ( non flouridated ) and a small quantity of lemon juice. Heat & pass through a filter - if you're household is on a low lab budget - you might like to use a cigarette filter. But make sure you didn't smoke the cig first. We need a filter not a rank dirty butt. Once your smack has dissolved, your resolve & patience & self control will be tested. Because I'm not telling you to shoot it up. Oh No! not a bit of it. (disclaimer) Let it return to powder form slowly and naturally in a dry environment & we will consider the "impurities removed". This may take a few weeks. Remember its poaching season at the moment, you might like to leave your smack todry out near any game bird such as a pheasant, partridge or quail. AS soon as the game is ready - your smack will be dry.
Allowing you to prepare your cocaine, purification of cocaine is actually quite a difficult thing to do - so ask your dealer for a certificate of quality & if s/he resists such consumer valour - threaten to kneecap them or shop them up to the local black & tan station.
Mix one equal part of purified smack with one part of dodgey cocaine.
Using a clean bank note. (you might like to put it through the washing machine first) sufflate said substance. (sniff or snort for the streetwise youngsters amongst you who use such colourful language).
I can't overstate the importance of fresh & clean ingredients. I'd also like to squeeze in another disclaimer . Give yourself at least 3 minutes after sufflation till you decide "nothing is happening". Allow at least a few hours before you top up your hit.
Remember the first syptoms of overdose on "snowballs" or "Heroin & Cocaine" combinations are easily confused with the joy & pleasure such things bring.
yes! you will feel the closeness of God.
Yes! you will feel just like Jesus' son or daughter.
Yes! you might just fall over with an exploding heart.
Don't blame me.
(heroin is a registered trademark)