Bad boys with bonds,-beware of Bertie!
January 2005 has been announced as the date set for the last and greatest Revenue amassing campaign in the history of the Irish Free State.General Bertie,and his Chief of Staff Marshall Mary Hearney,loyal dominatrix of the Soldiers of destiny,will go to war against the remaining tax dodgers holed up in "Irish Life",etc,etc.
November,2004 was a dreary month for refugees fleeing the dreaded Revenue Commissioners.
January promises to be even worse.
Bertie Ahearn"s shock tax enforcement troopers announced their plan to begin an investigation in January 2005 into the alleged slush fund of an incredible 33 million Euros of hidden "black money"said to be lodged in "single premium insurance bonds"with major Insurance Companies in the Republic of Ireland.
Every dog in the street has known about this amazing stash of ill gotten and undeclared cash for years.
It is common knowledge among all wealthy businessmen ,revenue employees,and tax dodgers alike,that the banks encouraged many of their clients to invest in these 5 year bonds,on the promise of guaranteeing them complete security and confidentiality from prying revenue agents.Have we heard this story somewhere before,about private hideouts for black money?
It would appear that theses bonds are the last refuge of thousands more scoundrels,who have not been trawled up in the various investigations of recent years.
Bertie and Mary are rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of a slush fund of this magnitude to tide them over until re-election time is come and gone.A shopping list of unimaginable goodies and bribes will be availible for stalwart supporters of the Soldiers of Destiny Show,in the coming two years.
A new support site and phone in line has been set up,with the aid of a grant from the department of Finance, to offer succour and council to those who might consider taking their own life, in a fit of depression at the terrible prospect of what lies ahead;-and for those unfortunates who cannot pack their bags,cash in their chips,and flee the country,quickly enough to escape the wrath of Bertie"s agents in Revenue.
The governments of many European countries,and places as far away as South America,and The Bahamas Islands have offered to take as many refugees as arrive on their shores with a personal fortune, in excess of 5 million Euros in retirement funds.
The wisdom of this investigation has been questioned,coming as it does at a time when American Multinationals are repatriating much of their profits back to the homeland,under pressure from the U.S. Revenue.A flight of capital of such immensity may cripple the Celtic Tiger.
A spokesman for the Argentina government stated that the fleeing fugitives would find safe haven there,as they have always had a liberal policy towards victims of war(nazis) or persecution(tax agents).Land grants are availible for poor farmers in the Amazon forest,but hostile tribes are a problem(not as bad as hostile revenue agents though).
The victims internet site is run jointly by the I.F.A.(Irish Farmers Association) and the Licensed Vintners Association of Ireland,who have declared that to the best of their knowledge none of their members are involved in tax evasion.If found to be so involved they will be asked to leave the local Fianna Fail Cumann.!The help site may be accessed at, www.succourforsuckers.ie
You can download visa application forms here, for most of the countries participating in the refugee resettlement scheme,previously mentioned.Guatamalan passports are availible for a modest fee of 1 million Euros,payable in cash to any of the government senators.This scheme is modelled on that of the former Irish Taoiseach,(prime minister)Charles J.Haughey.
The opposition parties have united in crying foul at the timing of the pogrom.Their own election war chests are empty.Fianna Fails are full.
Question is,by the time Bert and Mary are finished with their cursed compliance campaigns will there be a vote at all left for them in the land laid waste by revenue agents,illegal rubbish dumpers,polluting farmers,and irate,anti-bin tax activists??