Mafia offers $1,000 for Pie Hit on Minister

Notorious gangster wants Spellar creamed

In a surprise move today, notorious Chicago mobster Bugsy "Splurge" Malone openly flaunted his parole conditions and offered a $1,000 reward for a custard-pie "hit" on British Colonial "Human Rights, Equality and Justice" minister for Northern Ireland John "Tube" Spellar.

John "Tube" Spellar, the former Armed Forces minister who sat on the Army Board which elected to retain the two Scots Guards who had been convicted of murdering Belfast teenager Peter McBride, has become the target of a de facto boycott and sustained harrassment by protesters as he tries to carry out his duties. The action taken against him is fuelled both by the anger that the British should have the arrogance to appoint a man with his record to the "Human Rights, Equality and Justice" portfolio and by the utter discourtesy he showed the McBride family when he finally agreed to meet them by lying to them.

"If he thinks he can John Bull-shit the family of a victim of murder by telling them pork-pies, just because they are Irish" said Malone from an undisclosed location "then he should be custard-pied. That's the only justice for a fuckwit like him, we need to put some manners on the mutha. If somebody manages to get him with a pie, we will all know about it (laughs) if they get in touch with me by email, I will make sure they gets paid. Good luck!"