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Search author name words: Brian Clarke

Margaret Thatcher to be embalmed!

category international | miscellaneous | news report author Wednesday April 10, 2013 18:23author by The Undertaker Report this post to the editors

I hereby reveal the following copy due for publication in one of Britain's papers today, but which was suppressed by the editors 'for security reasons'.

Word has been leaked from a reliable source in the undertaking business that Margaret Thatcher's body is being secretly embalmed and is scheduled to be put on display for the adoring masses in the near future. The controversial decision has been made by the Prime Minister and the Chancellor in conjunction with Mrs Thatcher's son Mark and international envoy Tony Blair, sanctioned by royal permission from the Queen. The funeral mortuary will be built at an as yet undisclosed location in central London, obliterating the site of a council sink estate which has been placed under a compulsory purchase order.

Taxpayer money will be used to fund both the purchase and the edifice yet to be constructed, as well as to maintain the 7 day, 24 hour private security contractors that will be required to keep the building and its contents safe for eternity. The architecture is rumoured to be modelled on the state mortuary that houses Kim Jong Il in Pyongyang, North Korea and also the US embassy in Baghdad, but in this case the union jack will fly from the summit alongside the Falklands flag. Iain Duncan Smith's Workfare scheme has been marked to provide the huge unskilled workforce that will be required for the task.

World celebrities expected to attend the funeral service at St. Paul's Cathedral include dignitaries as diverse as Henry Kissinger, Tommy Suharto, son of the former Indonesian dictator, Donald Rumsfeld, Baby Doc Duvalier, Polly Toynbee, Roy Hattersley, Zachary DeLorean, Rupert Murdoch, Norman Tebbit and Pol Pot's daughter Saloth Sitha. A surprise bouquet of flowers has been sent by Martin McGuinness, former chief of staff in the Provisional IRA, with the words 'sorry for the unseemly parties in Belfast and Derry by misguided republicans' on it.

 #   Title   Author   Date 
   Party Pooper Grieving McGuinness Moans     Brian Clarke    Thu Apr 11, 2013 06:00 
   The memory if the hunger strikers lives on?     Dubster    Thu Apr 11, 2013 08:58 
   Terrible Beauties     Brian Clarke    Thu Apr 11, 2013 14:21 
   I lived in the north as well.     Dubster    Thu Apr 11, 2013 18:37 
   Concern     Des    Thu Apr 11, 2013 20:01 
   Concern     Dubster    Thu Apr 11, 2013 20:11 
   The memory of all 22 Irish hunger strikers lives on.     Sharon.    Thu Apr 11, 2013 22:53 
   Orwellian language by establishment shills     Terrorist    Thu Apr 11, 2013 23:25 
   IRA as Altar boys     Dubster    Thu Apr 11, 2013 23:55 
 10   Corpses     The Living Rule.    Fri Apr 12, 2013 00:34 
 11   Terrible Beauties     Brian Clarke    Fri Apr 12, 2013 04:07 
 12   Irish, jackeen, me feiner?     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 08:27 
 13   No commemoration for Mrs T at the GPO , then ?     Sharon.    Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:16 
 14   Your Granny's DNA     Brian Clarke    Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:50 
 15   In response     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:14 
 16   Response to Brian     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:30 
 17   minority ?     Brian Clarke    Fri Apr 12, 2013 13:44 
 18   Minority!     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:06 
 19   A noted change from 'reasons of religion' to 'reasons of policy'.     Sharon.    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:09 
 20   Largest Political Party     Brian Clarke    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:18 
 21   Out of your depth and against the tide !     Sharon.    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:30 
 22   Sharon     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:37 
 23   15%     Dubster    Fri Apr 12, 2013 14:45 
 24   "Editors" , 26 and 32.     Sharon.    Fri Apr 12, 2013 16:09 
 25   Dog bites man is not news     Mike Novack    Fri Apr 12, 2013 20:54 
 26   Dog bites man is not news     Mike Novack    Fri Apr 12, 2013 20:56 
 27   protestants and catholics     Terrorist    Fri Apr 12, 2013 23:47 
 28   another snivelling sycophant     Joe Mc    Sun Apr 14, 2013 12:25 
 29   Irish "all liars"     JoeMc    Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:24 
 30   The Brave Ten     Brian Foley    Fri Apr 26, 2013 22:34 
 31   More tributes to Thatcher     T    Sat Apr 27, 2013 13:55 


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